I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my liver is dry heaving
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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