I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
