Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i have two assholes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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