I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
