I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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