you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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