i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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