I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
