Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
