dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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