Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
