So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
