I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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