we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
