Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
