u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
