they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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