if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
