this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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