Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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