I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
