literally had 100 drinks last night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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