What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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