i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
