she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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