he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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