Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
