so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
