he shaved USA in his pubs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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