just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
