I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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