it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
