I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
