I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
