I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
