I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
