Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
