You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize