conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
