I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize