Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize