So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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