I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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