false alarm. still invincible.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
