i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
