I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
