Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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