can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
