This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
