And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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