i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I did not marry a roomba.
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