this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
