Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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