When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
