if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
