burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
