Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
