So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
