Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
