Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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