im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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