WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
