Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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