You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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