You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
