so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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