i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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