K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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