I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
