but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
