seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize