a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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