Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
