meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
