idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
