he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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