I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
