just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
