you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
